Trick or Treaters, I'm Worried About You!

Halloween 2011 marked my laziest Halloween ever. I thought about recycling last year's Andrew WK costume. No one understood it last year and it deserves another chance. Plus, this year he had a contest for the best Andrew WK impersonator and the winner got a congratulatory phone call from the man himself. Surely I would be in the running? I ran out of contact lenses, so I would have to go as the "bookish" Andrew WK.

But no, I was so lazy that I didn't even bother putting on the Andrew WK uniform of white jeans and sneakers.  I had a party for work on Saturday evening, so I just showed up at Carolyn's boyfriend's Halloween party wearing my formal wear, and Carolyn was nice enough to give me a witch's hat.  Done and done.  They went all out for the party, with fake skeletons, dry ice, strobe lights and a lethal looking Halloween punch.  So fun!  Plus you couldn't get a better location, right near the Black Cat.

I left after 2 a.m. and the cabs were just not stopping.  I had to wait for the bus, but I didn't mind since you can't find a better day for people watching than Halloween.  There was a fake Princess Beatrice arguing with her boyfriend while wearing that ridiculous hat.  As I walked to the bus stop, a wasted guy started yelling at me. He was dressed as a sailor, could barely walk and didn't look a day over 21.

"Are you Meghan McCain?" he asked as he lurched drunkenly toward me.  [Talk about an obscure D.C. reference.]

His friend started dragging him away, but he kept yelling.  "Because you have big titties and they are all out!"

Number 1.) That is laughably incorrect, and
Number 2.) Sir, how did you arrive at that conclusion given that I am wearing a zipped-up parka?

Ha.  I think that says more about his impression of Meghan than it does about me.

The more people I saw as I waited for the bus, the more I started to worry about them.  Who could be an easier mugging target than a drunk guy wearing a cow costume?  What about the girl teetering on her heels while being supported by a guy who is asking, "OK, so where do you live?"  Oh you, hapless, hapless Halloween people.  God help you, as you make your way home at 3 a.m. in the cold while dressed as a Rubik's cube.

I walked briskly to my street after getting off at the bus stop.  A super hero-costumed guy weaving his way across the sidewalk stopped me as I was about to turn onto my street.

"Excuse me.  Which way is south?"

Cardinal directions are not my forte.  "Where are you trying to go I asked?  Dupont?" I said.

"South," he said.  "Just south."

Hope he made it!