Read It and Weep

People always think that librarians are nice, older ladies who just love books and believe in the power of literature and want to spend their lives sharing the magic of reading with others.

In my experience, this is dead wrong. Most of the ones I've encountered in the Fairfax Public Library system are just plain mean and seem to hate each and every member of the human race. I'm sure there are nice ones, but they must hide them in the back shelving books or something.Yes, I wrote this from a public library internet terminal. I am such a rebel.

Another Washington Post "Animal Watch" Gem

This isn't as good as the "Pig Dog" Animal Watch blurb, but it's entertaining nonetheless:

Animal Watch

'Mountain Lion' Turns Out to Be a Softy



Sunday, August 16, 2009


LOVETTSVILLE, Rickard Rd., July 31. A real estate agent reported that she saw an injured mountain lion inside a three-sided shed while she was showing a property in the late afternoon. The view of the shed's interior was partially obscured by weeds at the entrance. When an animal control officer arrived, the animal was not moving. Upon closer inspection, the officer found that it was a large stuffed toy tiger.

Link

Some Clichéd Sport-as-a-Metaphor-for-Life Scribblings for You to Ponder

We had our final work volleyball game last week. We hadn't won a game all season, not a one. But I had an ace up my sleeve - this inspiring sign I got from a Washington Team Tennis exhibition. Surely the sign would do the trick! I showed it to my coworker and he said "Shouldn't it say 'Refuse to Win'?" Aww, but we've already been doing that, I said.

As previously discussed, I have nothing to offer the volleyball team other than the ability to hold this sign, which is a job that a post could easily do. Nonetheless, the "Refuse to Lose" mantra spurred us to victory and we scored our first win, just in the nick of time. It was the only variable compared to the other scads of games we lost, so I believe the sign is directly responsible for the win.

In other sporting news, I also joined a mixed doubles tennis team, and I believe the team captain might've been under the impression that I am a better player than I actually am. I went to my first match and my partner and opponents were really, really good. We lost the first set in 20 minutes and I was a disaster - dumping the ball in the net or spraying it all over the court, making a bad line call, the works. I was mentally composing a speech about why I needed to quit the team when something miraculous happened - we started winning. My partner told me just to smile and have fun, and we ended up winning the next set and the tiebreaker, even though the other team clearly should've won.

Donut Day Debacle

I joined the Donut Club at my work. Membership is very exclusive, there is a hazing process that I won't go into here (kidding).

This Friday was my first day to bring in the donuts. "Let's do this thing right," I thought, so I went to Dunkin' Donuts and bought a metric ton of donuts.I was feeling good, till I stumbled over a coworker in the kitchen carrying a giant Krispy Kreme bag - horrors! Turns out it wasn't my donut day at all. Total donut miscommunication. So now we had approximately 72 donuts - donut boxes everywhere - which is just overkill by any means. The only appropriate response to the breakfast pastry avalanche was "whoa."

Every time I went in the kitchen I was confronted with the shame of messing up Donut Day. There were conferences about why I had gotten the date wrong and how I could improve in the future. I want out of the Donut Club - the pressure, good God, the pressure!