May you absent-mindedly close the lid to an expensive lipstick without retracting it and the lipstick ends up smeared in the top of the tube as a result.
May you show up to a party either overdressed or underdressed. Whichever will be more embarrassing.
May you labor painstakingly over an email and then realize a second after you sent it that you forgot to put anything in the subject line.
May the person boarding the bus singing aloud to his headphones walk down the aisle, get closer and closer and then finally sit down in the seat right next to you. May you buy expensive jeans and then drop a dress size. May you not be able to decide what sort of tattoo to get.
May you mispronounce the word "foilage." May you be disappointed to realize that the "Keeping Up"listing you spotted on your cable tv's guide is in fact "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" and not " Keeping Up Appearances." May someone end a conversation by telling you to "Hang in there," when you thought things in your life were humming along just fine. Do they know something that you don't?
May you have the same half-watched art-house Netflix movie for four months and finally mail it back in defeat. May you always have a lingering doubt in the back of your mind as to whether you turned off your hair straightener. May you walk out of your hair salon with the knowledge that you yourself will never ever be able to make your hair look this good.
May you overhear a group of girls talking on the Metro and wonder if your own conversations sound just as vapid. May you hope and pray that the dressing room curtain is not as sheer as it seems. May you visibly struggle to stay awake in a meeting - and may the "just resting my eyes" excuse fail to fool anyone.
May your salad consist solely of those crunchy, white middle parts of the lettuce. Gross! May your friend borrow a piece of your jewelry and then get a million more compliments than you've ever gotten while wearing said jewelry. May the the restroom at your place of employment have those auto-sinks that turn on and off by themselves, and then you get so accustomed to them that everywhere you go - restaurants, friends' homes - you just hold your hands under the faucet and wait for something to happen.